Subject to Availability

This week, I finally took some time off from my full-time job and traveled to the Mid-West, to spend time with my family and friends. One of my favorite things to do, when I am, here, is to practice my imagination skills with my oldest niece. She is almost five and is most certainly observant, without filters. We often build castles, kingdoms and I am her humble servant.

As my sister, brother-in-law, and niece came to pick me up from the Airport, my niece and I ran across the marble-like floor to hug and kiss each other. She wrapped her precious arms around my neck, kissed my cheek and grabbed my face. She said, “Tee-Tee”, (my nickname), “you look so different to me.” I said, “Yea? How so?” She smiled, widely, “You must have done something different to you.”

How amazing that a child tends to see more of who we are, than what we tend to see in ourselves.

Experiencing another transformational shift in my life, recently, I began to uncover a new shell of my life, of my reality. I believe some people call it an “Identity Crisis”; but I like to call it “Shift in Personal Uniqueness”.  Whatever the words and letters that may describe the change in me; I began to claim a part of me that I hadn’t realized I needed to explore.

In several of my connections with the people in my life, I asked for availability and to be present in the time we spent with each other. I knew that I would soon be coming to terms with some deep modifications of who I am and I needed to ask for assistance in being present with me; to hold space for me as I knew this specific time would “rock my world”. I was looking forward to this new experience, but I knew, I did not want to go at it alone.

Now, I have to tell you, for me to ask for help or for me to ask anything of anyone, has been difficult for me. One of my greatest fears is to be vulnerable and for me, my tape recorder tends to say, “If you are asking for help, you are vulnerable; which means someone will take advantage of you and/or hurt you.” It took a lot of personal insight and moving through my fear to ask several key people in my life, as well as the Universe, to remain present and to be available for me.

The most common question I was asked, “How does that look for you, Alison?”

I definitely had to take some time to think about the clarity in which I needed to answer this question.

I asked myself this question, “How does Alison remain present to Alison?”

I know that thoughts that arise in my mind have nothing to do with who I really am. What arises in my mind isn’t always up to me – it’s just my conditioning. However, when I begin to honor the thoughts that flow through, but observe without judgment, being present to my thoughts this way allows me to be objective. I listen carefully and ask myself the questions, “Are these thoughts reality? Are they just to get my attention to look at something else? What is truly the core of my ‘monkey brained talk chatter’ going on?”

So now I understand the ways I am present with myself. How do I describe being present with someone else?

This was challenging for me, because this would mean surrendering to being open and vulnerable to someone else. This was (and is still) very scary for me.

As some of these key people stepped up to the plate of my request, I realized, through their actions and love, what it truly means to “Be Present for Another” to “Be Available”.

There is an old Scottish word that best describes the true essence of being present with another – “Kything”(rhymes with tithing). The literal translation to Kything is “to make visible” or “To present your soul to another”.

Kything is definitely a spiritual process and not for the weary; it is centering yourself and providing emotional support; as well as creating space to be direct and loving in that support. It may not mean hearing everything I want to hear, but communicating what I need to hear.

These key people presented their own soul, their own stories of pain and growth. The unity of their thoughts to me was amazing; as most of these key people are not interconnected with each other. They each bore their soul so that I would bear mine; which has been necessary in opening my scabs of pain that I chose not to face previously.

I also understood, through their sharing, we as humans need pain; we need times to feel uncomfortable. These are times when our greatest strengths and bravery shine through. It is also a time to honor and love the ugliness of our pain and struggle. The ugliness is just as beautiful as the times we shine in our strength.

Being present happens when you stop comparing the present moment to past experiences or future expectations. Being present begins with noticing when you are trying to alter the present moment and learning what you can do about it. You are moving from seeing yourself as a victim of circumstances to a decisive person who makes wise choices in difficult and scary situations.

As I continue to grow in my path and support what I have always known I am and my life purpose, I will forever endeavor to cultivate and expand my Awareness of being present to Self and practicing the joy in “Kything” with others..

What are your thoughts?